Chapter Eighteen: Lonesome
"Is it 'cause of me?"
X shook his head, piercing a small tomato with his fork. "No, Double; he's just not up to meeting with people right now."
Double took a large bite of his cheeseburger, chewing it partially before responding, "He's still moping? No offense, but this can't be the first time he's killed a buddy. Lots of Hunters he knew became Mavericks." He swallowed the food and put his burger down to take a drink of soda. "Honestly, I think he's being selfish."
"Selfish?" Axl looked over at the round Reploid sitting next to him. He slurped up some of his milkshake from his straw, still looking at Double.
"Yeah," Double shrugged, "You lose friends almost daily with this job. I'd get one or two days of grieving, to honor their memory and all. But he's got a job to do, a man to keep happy and a son to keep an eye on. He's slacking and selfishly getting everyone's pity. I mean, didn't he always rib you, X, when you got sad over killing defectors?"
"Yeah…" X pushed his tomato all over his salad, shoving aside crispy leaves and hardened bread.
Axl frowned. "Really? That's rather mean of him; I never figured Dad would be hypocritical."
Double snorted, picking up his burger again. "Zero is the image of hypocrite. Now, he's more or less preventing X from having fun and having a life. Seriously, X, now that you're seeing Zero's true colors, do you really wanna stick with that?" He took another large bite as he waited for the answer.
X stared at his salad, more so the red tomato. He twirled his fork for a few seconds before answering. "Maybe he is being selfish. Maybe he is being hypocritical doing all of this," he replied, finally eating the tomato, "in the eyes of those who don't understand."
At Double's raised eyebrow, X smiled gently. "The times I had to kill defectors… they were acquaintances. Not quite friends, but not exactly strangers. Yeah, I got sad… but their loss doesn't exactly impact my life or anything. I never had to kill a real friend… never had to kill my family."
X speared some lettuce, the fresh crisp of the green seeming louder than it should have been. "I don't understand how it really feels, killing my own family. That's like asking me how I would react if Axl or Zero, or even you, Double, went Maverick, and I had to put you down myself. Defectors went Maverick because they wanted to. Colonel and Iris… it was forced, and Zero had to be the one to give them mercy. I don't think I'll ever understand just how crushing that is until it happens to me, though I hope it never does."
X's eyes softened as he looked at his half-eaten salad. "I love Zero. I know him. He just needs time, patience, space and the knowledge that he still has some family. So, yes… I do want to stick with him."
Double scoffed even as Axl beamed. "You're too soft, X…" Double muttered, "but I guess that's why everyone likes you."
"Eh heh." X resumed eating, blushing lightly at his sentimental moment.
The rest of the lunch was conducted with small talk, mostly between Axl and Double. X ate his salad leaf by leaf; his thoughts constantly turned back to his beloved. Was Zero doing okay? To be honest, Zero was doing amazingly well for coping with the loss of his friends. The only 'bad' thing he'd done was starting to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, and that was hardly destructive for a Reploid as long as they remember to clean themselves.
X mused on buying Zero an electronic cigarette. It'd save money in the long run and wouldn't leave that nasty tobacco taste. But would that give off the wrong impression?
When lunch was over, X actually went to town to pick up a small ice cream cake for Zero. The blond rarely indulged in food, mostly using his digestive systems for various drinks, but X remembered the first time Zero had ice cream cake. Zero went absolutely nuts and bought a huge cake the next day for himself, so X hoped a little one would bring some momentary cheer to his saddened boyfriend. X held the box with both hands held up to his chest as he walked back to Zero's dorm, doing the polite but coy thing and knocking.
It was a full minute later when Zero finally answered, shirtless, and with only a pair of boxers on as he toweled his hair. X lightly blushed, but held the boxed cake like an offering and gave his best smile. Zero blinked at him, and then looked at the box.
"Share a little treat with me?" X asked.
Zero looked back at X, and although his mouth didn't move, his eyes crinkled slightly, as if he were smiling. X's heart did a little victory dance as Zero moved aside for him to enter, and behind him, Zero locked the door.
X sat the box on the small dining table and went to the kitchen for forks. The cake was small enough they could eat it out of the box without slicing it and using plates. When he returned, Zero had opened the box and was studying the round, white-frosted cake.
"Red velvet and vanilla ice cream with cream cheese," X said, and this time, Zero did smile. X had remembered the type Zero liked the most.
The blond accepted the fork and let his towel drape off his neck, settling into a chair and scooping a messy chunk from the cake. X chuckled as Zero hurriedly brought the treat to his mouth.
"Already melting? Goodness…" X scooped out his own bit.
Zero's expression softened further at X's tone. When X reached for another bit of cake, Zero held out a forkful for him. Smiling, X allowed Zero to feed him, and he returned the gesture. As they ate the cake in this fashion, Zero remained mute, but his small smile and alive eyes were enough for X. The brunette reached out and rubbed away some excess ice cream from the corner of Zero's mouth.
"Messy," X lightly, teasingly scolded. "Do I need to get you a bib?"
Zero snorted and gave X the final bite of the cake. After scraping out as much of the leftover frosting as possible, X stood up and threw away the box, pausing at the sink to wash their forks. When he returned to the dining area, Zero was on the other side leading to the living area, heading for his bedroom.
X followed after him, watching from the doorway as Zero tossed his towel into a laundry hamper. Zero turned and motioned for X to come in, and as X walked over to him, Zero moved for his desk and pulled out an envelope. He handed it to X, who blinked at it and began to open it. As he did so, Zero wrapped an arm around his and bent low enough to put his head on X's shoulder.
X leaned his head against Zero's as he pulled out the contents, and he let out a slightly awed breath. Days and days ago, before he and Zero began to date, they had left HQ for a short trip to the park. There, they had met two humans who gleefully took their picture. Now, in X's hands, were, finally, two copies of that picture.
Tears actually stung X's eyes as he stared at that picture. He and Zero, pressed closed together and posing, smiling so happily. In the picture, Zero's entire face was lit up as he was pressed close to his friend, his smile wide and his eyes just so playful and alive. X looked up from the picture at Zero, whose expression said to him, I'm sorry.
"Don't be," X whispered, turning so he could fully embrace Zero. "Take all the time you need. I'll be here and I'll love you, no matter what."
Zero kissed the top of X's head, closing his eyes. Thank you, X.
X carefully tucked his copy of the picture away and led Zero to the bed, where the couple laid down together, cuddling close. After they made themselves comfortable, Zero reached for his nightstand behind his holographic picture of Iris and Colonel. He paused, staring at it, before quickly grabbing his intended object and turning back to X. It was a digital camera.
Zero settled X against him as he turned the camera on and into preview mode. X's eyes widened as Zero scrolled through the pictures, wondering when exactly Zero took these images.
One picture was of X making a face at a walking Signas' back, Alia giggling behind her hand next to him. Another was of Iris offering a flower toward the camera; and after that was one of Colonel with his hat off and glaring hard. There was Dr. Cain waving a wrench in the air as he and Lifesaver got into a heated argument, both of their faces red. There was a picture of a pack of kittens surrounding red and white boots, all looking up expectantly as a large, white gloved hand reached down to pet one. After that one was X holding one of those kittens to his face as the rest clambered around in his lap.
Zero scrolled through picture after picture, each having that essence of perfect angle and timing. There was a beautiful shot of Alia in her sundress, twirling in a field of flowers as petals and her loose hair danced in the breeze around her. There was a perfect profile shot of Signas as he issued orders, the shadows and lighting make the picture just so much more dramatic. There was even a great shot of X trapping Axl in a headlock, a devious grin on X's face and panic on Axl's with his arms flailing about.
The last image was of X and Zero cuddled together in bed, Zero winking at he held the camera above them and X just waking up at that moment. Zero had captured the instant X was opening his eyes, creating the picture-perfect scene of two people utterly in love cuddling closely to each other.
"Quite the photographer," X murmured as Zero turned the camera off. "Now I know why, sometimes, you were just randomly grinning at nothing."
Zero tapped his forehead, and even though he did nothing else, an old quote of his filtered into X's mind: "I'm a man of many secrets, many talents…"
X kissed his chin lazily but lovingly, closing his eyes as Zero held him tighter. For some reason, X felt as if Zero was comforting him and not vice versa.
~*~
X woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen area. Lifting his head from his pillow, instantly noticing Zero was not here to keep him warm, X lightly sniffed the air as some sort of sweet aroma was filtering in. Following his nose, X found his way to the kitchen, where Zero was staring intently at his oven, as if mentally commanding it.
X blinked. "Zero?"
Zero held up his hand for silence, not looking at X. A minute later, the oven made a high-pitched ding! sound and Zero opened it, peering in.
As Zero was preoccupied, X spied a piece of paper on the counter behind him. He picked it up, reading it. It was a recipe for some sort of chicken dish, with a small note written at the bottom.
I knew you really liked this so I figured I'd give you the recipe! You should try cooking; it's a real stress reliever, even if you mess up! See you later!
Best wishes,
Iris
X put the paper down, understanding suddenly dawning on him. As Zero worked almost mindlessly in his kitchen, X went back to his living room. Looking at the movie Zero was watching earlier, X opened the case and another note was in it.
Make sure you give this back to me eventually, Zero. The last time you borrowed a movie I rented, you made me pay a month's worth of overdue fees…
-Colonel
Similarly as X snooped, he found other evidence of things borrowed but never returned, or things given from the siblings. He found a mixed CD from Iris in Zero's player, a wall charger for his saber from Colonel that Zero was suddenly using for no reason, random hand-written notes scattered along Zero's desk, along with other things. As X paused in his probing and looked around, he realized why Zero spent so much time in his room. There were little knickknacks and notes that just reeked of Iris and Colonel, and Zero was surrounding himself with them.
As Zero put a large pot on his stove, X went back to the bedroom and checked the holographic phone's history. At least two or three times a day since the funeral, Zero has called their American residence or the siblings' cell phones. That in mind, X could bet Zero also sent them e-mails, regardless of the error return mails he'd get in return.
An open-handed smack on the wall jarred X free of his thoughts, and Zero stood in the doorway, staring at him. X met his stare, not sure of how to talk to him now. Zero motioned for X to follow, and slowly the brunette did, all the way to the kitchen where Zero had finished cooking. Zero fixed a plate and offered it to X.
X stared at it for a moment before taking it and a fork, pulling a chunk of chicken free. It was so tender it was practically falling apart, and it all but melted in his mouth.
Zero put some in a container and put it in the fridge, as it saving it to give to someone. With a jab to his heart, X realized Zero was probably 'saving' it for Iris and Colonel. When the blond looked at X, noticing he was being watched, Zero shrugged.
The fork Zero was holding suddenly clattered to the ground, a look of shock on his face – as if all his actions from the past few days had suddenly caught up to him. X quickly put the plate down as Zero fell to his knees, eyes widening as they turned from a blank gradient of blue to pitch black. X dropped next to him, grasping Zero's arms.
"Zero?" X lightly shook him. "Zero? Zero!"
Zero remained unresponsive, obsidian eyes blankly gazing into an unseen, unfathomable emptiness.
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"Is it 'cause of me?"
X shook his head, piercing a small tomato with his fork. "No, Double; he's just not up to meeting with people right now."
Double took a large bite of his cheeseburger, chewing it partially before responding, "He's still moping? No offense, but this can't be the first time he's killed a buddy. Lots of Hunters he knew became Mavericks." He swallowed the food and put his burger down to take a drink of soda. "Honestly, I think he's being selfish."
"Selfish?" Axl looked over at the round Reploid sitting next to him. He slurped up some of his milkshake from his straw, still looking at Double.
"Yeah," Double shrugged, "You lose friends almost daily with this job. I'd get one or two days of grieving, to honor their memory and all. But he's got a job to do, a man to keep happy and a son to keep an eye on. He's slacking and selfishly getting everyone's pity. I mean, didn't he always rib you, X, when you got sad over killing defectors?"
"Yeah…" X pushed his tomato all over his salad, shoving aside crispy leaves and hardened bread.
Axl frowned. "Really? That's rather mean of him; I never figured Dad would be hypocritical."
Double snorted, picking up his burger again. "Zero is the image of hypocrite. Now, he's more or less preventing X from having fun and having a life. Seriously, X, now that you're seeing Zero's true colors, do you really wanna stick with that?" He took another large bite as he waited for the answer.
X stared at his salad, more so the red tomato. He twirled his fork for a few seconds before answering. "Maybe he is being selfish. Maybe he is being hypocritical doing all of this," he replied, finally eating the tomato, "in the eyes of those who don't understand."
At Double's raised eyebrow, X smiled gently. "The times I had to kill defectors… they were acquaintances. Not quite friends, but not exactly strangers. Yeah, I got sad… but their loss doesn't exactly impact my life or anything. I never had to kill a real friend… never had to kill my family."
X speared some lettuce, the fresh crisp of the green seeming louder than it should have been. "I don't understand how it really feels, killing my own family. That's like asking me how I would react if Axl or Zero, or even you, Double, went Maverick, and I had to put you down myself. Defectors went Maverick because they wanted to. Colonel and Iris… it was forced, and Zero had to be the one to give them mercy. I don't think I'll ever understand just how crushing that is until it happens to me, though I hope it never does."
X's eyes softened as he looked at his half-eaten salad. "I love Zero. I know him. He just needs time, patience, space and the knowledge that he still has some family. So, yes… I do want to stick with him."
Double scoffed even as Axl beamed. "You're too soft, X…" Double muttered, "but I guess that's why everyone likes you."
"Eh heh." X resumed eating, blushing lightly at his sentimental moment.
The rest of the lunch was conducted with small talk, mostly between Axl and Double. X ate his salad leaf by leaf; his thoughts constantly turned back to his beloved. Was Zero doing okay? To be honest, Zero was doing amazingly well for coping with the loss of his friends. The only 'bad' thing he'd done was starting to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, and that was hardly destructive for a Reploid as long as they remember to clean themselves.
X mused on buying Zero an electronic cigarette. It'd save money in the long run and wouldn't leave that nasty tobacco taste. But would that give off the wrong impression?
When lunch was over, X actually went to town to pick up a small ice cream cake for Zero. The blond rarely indulged in food, mostly using his digestive systems for various drinks, but X remembered the first time Zero had ice cream cake. Zero went absolutely nuts and bought a huge cake the next day for himself, so X hoped a little one would bring some momentary cheer to his saddened boyfriend. X held the box with both hands held up to his chest as he walked back to Zero's dorm, doing the polite but coy thing and knocking.
It was a full minute later when Zero finally answered, shirtless, and with only a pair of boxers on as he toweled his hair. X lightly blushed, but held the boxed cake like an offering and gave his best smile. Zero blinked at him, and then looked at the box.
"Share a little treat with me?" X asked.
Zero looked back at X, and although his mouth didn't move, his eyes crinkled slightly, as if he were smiling. X's heart did a little victory dance as Zero moved aside for him to enter, and behind him, Zero locked the door.
X sat the box on the small dining table and went to the kitchen for forks. The cake was small enough they could eat it out of the box without slicing it and using plates. When he returned, Zero had opened the box and was studying the round, white-frosted cake.
"Red velvet and vanilla ice cream with cream cheese," X said, and this time, Zero did smile. X had remembered the type Zero liked the most.
The blond accepted the fork and let his towel drape off his neck, settling into a chair and scooping a messy chunk from the cake. X chuckled as Zero hurriedly brought the treat to his mouth.
"Already melting? Goodness…" X scooped out his own bit.
Zero's expression softened further at X's tone. When X reached for another bit of cake, Zero held out a forkful for him. Smiling, X allowed Zero to feed him, and he returned the gesture. As they ate the cake in this fashion, Zero remained mute, but his small smile and alive eyes were enough for X. The brunette reached out and rubbed away some excess ice cream from the corner of Zero's mouth.
"Messy," X lightly, teasingly scolded. "Do I need to get you a bib?"
Zero snorted and gave X the final bite of the cake. After scraping out as much of the leftover frosting as possible, X stood up and threw away the box, pausing at the sink to wash their forks. When he returned to the dining area, Zero was on the other side leading to the living area, heading for his bedroom.
X followed after him, watching from the doorway as Zero tossed his towel into a laundry hamper. Zero turned and motioned for X to come in, and as X walked over to him, Zero moved for his desk and pulled out an envelope. He handed it to X, who blinked at it and began to open it. As he did so, Zero wrapped an arm around his and bent low enough to put his head on X's shoulder.
X leaned his head against Zero's as he pulled out the contents, and he let out a slightly awed breath. Days and days ago, before he and Zero began to date, they had left HQ for a short trip to the park. There, they had met two humans who gleefully took their picture. Now, in X's hands, were, finally, two copies of that picture.
Tears actually stung X's eyes as he stared at that picture. He and Zero, pressed closed together and posing, smiling so happily. In the picture, Zero's entire face was lit up as he was pressed close to his friend, his smile wide and his eyes just so playful and alive. X looked up from the picture at Zero, whose expression said to him, I'm sorry.
"Don't be," X whispered, turning so he could fully embrace Zero. "Take all the time you need. I'll be here and I'll love you, no matter what."
Zero kissed the top of X's head, closing his eyes. Thank you, X.
X carefully tucked his copy of the picture away and led Zero to the bed, where the couple laid down together, cuddling close. After they made themselves comfortable, Zero reached for his nightstand behind his holographic picture of Iris and Colonel. He paused, staring at it, before quickly grabbing his intended object and turning back to X. It was a digital camera.
Zero settled X against him as he turned the camera on and into preview mode. X's eyes widened as Zero scrolled through the pictures, wondering when exactly Zero took these images.
One picture was of X making a face at a walking Signas' back, Alia giggling behind her hand next to him. Another was of Iris offering a flower toward the camera; and after that was one of Colonel with his hat off and glaring hard. There was Dr. Cain waving a wrench in the air as he and Lifesaver got into a heated argument, both of their faces red. There was a picture of a pack of kittens surrounding red and white boots, all looking up expectantly as a large, white gloved hand reached down to pet one. After that one was X holding one of those kittens to his face as the rest clambered around in his lap.
Zero scrolled through picture after picture, each having that essence of perfect angle and timing. There was a beautiful shot of Alia in her sundress, twirling in a field of flowers as petals and her loose hair danced in the breeze around her. There was a perfect profile shot of Signas as he issued orders, the shadows and lighting make the picture just so much more dramatic. There was even a great shot of X trapping Axl in a headlock, a devious grin on X's face and panic on Axl's with his arms flailing about.
The last image was of X and Zero cuddled together in bed, Zero winking at he held the camera above them and X just waking up at that moment. Zero had captured the instant X was opening his eyes, creating the picture-perfect scene of two people utterly in love cuddling closely to each other.
"Quite the photographer," X murmured as Zero turned the camera off. "Now I know why, sometimes, you were just randomly grinning at nothing."
Zero tapped his forehead, and even though he did nothing else, an old quote of his filtered into X's mind: "I'm a man of many secrets, many talents…"
X kissed his chin lazily but lovingly, closing his eyes as Zero held him tighter. For some reason, X felt as if Zero was comforting him and not vice versa.
~*~
X woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen area. Lifting his head from his pillow, instantly noticing Zero was not here to keep him warm, X lightly sniffed the air as some sort of sweet aroma was filtering in. Following his nose, X found his way to the kitchen, where Zero was staring intently at his oven, as if mentally commanding it.
X blinked. "Zero?"
Zero held up his hand for silence, not looking at X. A minute later, the oven made a high-pitched ding! sound and Zero opened it, peering in.
As Zero was preoccupied, X spied a piece of paper on the counter behind him. He picked it up, reading it. It was a recipe for some sort of chicken dish, with a small note written at the bottom.
I knew you really liked this so I figured I'd give you the recipe! You should try cooking; it's a real stress reliever, even if you mess up! See you later!
Best wishes,
Iris
X put the paper down, understanding suddenly dawning on him. As Zero worked almost mindlessly in his kitchen, X went back to his living room. Looking at the movie Zero was watching earlier, X opened the case and another note was in it.
Make sure you give this back to me eventually, Zero. The last time you borrowed a movie I rented, you made me pay a month's worth of overdue fees…
-Colonel
Similarly as X snooped, he found other evidence of things borrowed but never returned, or things given from the siblings. He found a mixed CD from Iris in Zero's player, a wall charger for his saber from Colonel that Zero was suddenly using for no reason, random hand-written notes scattered along Zero's desk, along with other things. As X paused in his probing and looked around, he realized why Zero spent so much time in his room. There were little knickknacks and notes that just reeked of Iris and Colonel, and Zero was surrounding himself with them.
As Zero put a large pot on his stove, X went back to the bedroom and checked the holographic phone's history. At least two or three times a day since the funeral, Zero has called their American residence or the siblings' cell phones. That in mind, X could bet Zero also sent them e-mails, regardless of the error return mails he'd get in return.
An open-handed smack on the wall jarred X free of his thoughts, and Zero stood in the doorway, staring at him. X met his stare, not sure of how to talk to him now. Zero motioned for X to follow, and slowly the brunette did, all the way to the kitchen where Zero had finished cooking. Zero fixed a plate and offered it to X.
X stared at it for a moment before taking it and a fork, pulling a chunk of chicken free. It was so tender it was practically falling apart, and it all but melted in his mouth.
Zero put some in a container and put it in the fridge, as it saving it to give to someone. With a jab to his heart, X realized Zero was probably 'saving' it for Iris and Colonel. When the blond looked at X, noticing he was being watched, Zero shrugged.
The fork Zero was holding suddenly clattered to the ground, a look of shock on his face – as if all his actions from the past few days had suddenly caught up to him. X quickly put the plate down as Zero fell to his knees, eyes widening as they turned from a blank gradient of blue to pitch black. X dropped next to him, grasping Zero's arms.
"Zero?" X lightly shook him. "Zero? Zero!"
Zero remained unresponsive, obsidian eyes blankly gazing into an unseen, unfathomable emptiness.
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