Chapter Seventeen: Left in Pieces
Construction to the damaged areas of Maverick Hunter Headquarters had already begun by the time X, Axl, and Zero landed. Waiting for them at the Space Station were Signas, Alia, and Lifesaver. When Zero emerged behind X and Axl carrying Iris, what smiles that were on the welcoming teams' faces died. Lifesaver tried to step in front of Zero to get a look at her, try to salvage her, but the blond shoved past him and continued his march to HQ, head bowed. Signas turned to X, his face a mixture of sympathy and confusion.
"You can't salvage her, sir…" X muttered, his voice low with sadness. "Her entire internal structure is destroyed, all of her chips burned and most of her components melted. Even if you remake her… she won't be Iris."
Signas looked back where Zero had gone, then simply ordered, "I want a full report by tomorrow. Hunters, dismissed."
X and Axl returned Signas' salute and the group trailed after Zero, keeping a respectable distance from the grieving Reploid. When they reached HQ, a group of official government humans were waiting for Signas and his heroes. Zero had given them one blank look before veering down a different, undestroyed hallway. X tried to follow, but the officials would have none of it, demanding he be present for the meeting. X watched mournfully as Zero disappeared, only moving toward the meeting room when Axl tugged on his hand.
At the meeting room, the humans were quick to announce their 'good deeds' for all that happened during the trio's time in space.
"We have successfully dismantled and discarded any remaining Repliforce members," the chairman said, "and have destroyed any traces of them. Let us hope we can forget this failure of a police force."
X winced. "Isn't that a little far, sir?"
"Certainly not. It is a precaution. Any and all Reploids that were in Repliforce have been scraped and recycled." The chairman then looked at Signas, his face clouded. "That third hunter, the one carrying the girl… she was Repliforce's top Ride Armor Pilot, Iris, wasn't she?"
Signas showed nothing on his face. Reploids made incredible talkers and bluffers due to being able to perfectly stone-face anyone they spoke to. "Yes. Iris and Colonel of Repliforce have helped us immensely during this war. I would like to have their remains buried in the Repliforce Cemetery, and for them to be given an officer's honorable funeral."
"Request denied," the chairman replied. "Regardless of who they defected to at last second, they were Repliforce and may carry remnants of Virus. Destroy their remains and recycle them."
Axl actually snorted, and the chairman looked to him with a face of disgust. The pistol-toting Reploid returned the look with a challenging one of his own. "Yeah? You wanna do that? I dare you to tell that to Zero."
"Axl," X hissed, "don't provoke them."
"Besides, we destroyed the Repliforce Cemetery," one of the other humans quipped. "There is no place to bury their remains."
Signas stood up from his seat to his full towering height. "Unfortunately, Chairman, I cannot in good conscience allow you to scrape the remains of Iris and Colonel. Without them, the Final Weapon would still be up in space, aimed at Earth and ready to fire. If the Repliforce Cemetery has been destroyed, than as the last commanding officer either of the deceased obeyed, I hereby claim Iris and Colonel as Maverick Hunters."
"You cannot do that!" the chairman protested, standing and slamming his palms into the table.
"Under military times, yes, I can." Signas said. "Iris and Colonel had defected from Repliforce more or less when this war began and had joined our side. As I did not reject their aid, I unceremoniously inducted them into the Maverick Hunters."
Signas held his hand out. "All of you shall bear witness. Colonel, previously the colonel of Repliforce, has, with his valiant work on the field in service to the Maverick Hunters, obtained the rank of S of the Special 0 Unit. Iris, previously Ride Armor pilot of Repliforce, has, with her battle prowess on the field in service to the Maverick Hunters, obtained the rank of A of the Armored Division. They shall be buried within the officers' cemetery of the Maverick Hunter Headquarters with a proper funeral befitting such ranked soldiers."
X allowed himself a small smile at the gaping mouths of the human government officials. Zero will be relieved that they will be honored…
Signas ushered X and Axl out of the meeting when the humans, regaining their wits, exploded into an argument with Signas. X stayed outside the room, listening in, as Signas refused to back down from his declaration. A strange satisfaction filled X when he heard Signas rip into the humans about honor and pride, and the thought, About time someone stood up to them, entered X's mind. Despite how it sounded borderline Maverick, X enjoyed the simple pleasure of it before going off on his hunt to find Zero. Axl watched X go, and then decided the two would need to be alone together, heading towards the cafeteria.
X first checked Zero's dorm room, then the Recharge Room. The garden had been decimated by the Maverick attack, but X checked there anyway. Zero was in none of those places, and not at the outside lobby either. X raced around everywhere, wondering how the hell Zero managed to still hide himself so effectively in a half-ruined building. As a last-ditch effort, X did check the HQ graveyard.
While most Reploids were destroyed on the field, whenever possible their remains were brought back to be buried. As most humans commonly use 'scraping' and 'recycling' as threats, Reploids found that re-using a dead Reploid's parts was dishonorable and unforgiveable. Instead, they opted to do as humans did: bury their dead. Of course, for Reploids, dead only meant when even if repaired, the Reploid would not be the 'same' Reploid as before. This brought around the confusion that, if a Reploid had to undergo a memory wipe, would he or she be considered dead? The same question, along with all sorts of theories and counter-arguments, still circulated today. For the Hunters, dead meant at least seventy-five percent of bodily destruction, plus loss of both memory and personality chips and no existing backups of either; it also was for those Reploids who did not want to be repaired and instead chose to be shut down permanently. As most Reploids did have backups and didn't mind outer body changes, the HQ graveyard was rather small.
X's luck finally improved, for Zero was at the graveyard with Iris' body. He had her lying on the bench while he sat on the ground, knees drawn up to his chest and arms around his legs. In a way, it was comical to see a fully-armored hunter, especially an elite one like Zero, in such a fetal and vulnerable position. The humor died a pitiful death, however, when Zero looked at X with a blank face and tearstains on his cheeks. Zero's eyes, the most expressive part of any living being, were a hurricane of emotion. He looked, in the bluntest and most horrible of terms, pathetic.
X knelt next to him and pulled Zero close, the blond releasing his legs and leaning into the embrace. X lifted Zero's wrist and tapped the compartment there, and when it retracted, revealed a miniature computer. X checked Zero's energy levels; his tanks were depleted and he was running on the last of his back-up. If X didn't plug Zero up soon, he'd be force to shut down.
The blue-armored Reploid said nothing as he closed the compartment. Didn't scold, didn't mother-hen. He knew that Zero wanted to drain himself out, to shut down from lack of energy. Despite the dangers of it, X knew how… relieving it could be to feel just so drained and finally slip away for just a little bit of time. Zero needed that strange relief before what bits of him were left shattered. Zero never took his eyes off Iris' body, and X just held him close and rested his cheek against Zero's helmet. Minutes of silence, heavy and choking, passed them by and still nothing was said… nothing could be said.
The whine of Zero's systems grew louder as they attempted to keep themselves operational. As the blond sank further and further into X's arms, more and more of his systems were forced to shut down. Zero let out a soft, breathy 'thank you' before he went completely offline, and X squeezed him close. After checking to ensure he was fully offline, X called for another Hunter to help him bring Zero and Iris back into HQ, and get Zero to a charger.
When Iris, with Colonel's sword still in her hands, was taken to be prepared for the funeral, X watched over Zero in the recharging pod. He placed his hands against the glass lid of the pod, and then pressed his forehead against it. He closed his eyes, and tears stung behind his eyelids.
"I'm sorry, Zero…"
~*~
Iris and Colonel had a beautiful funeral.
The pod-coffin had been custom-crafted and specially sealed to prevent the girl from ever rusting. She lay on a soft bed of satin, her armored dress polished until it shone like she was fresh off the creator's table. Her hair had been specially treated to remain in place and to shimmer like stars, and Colonel's sword was cleaned and the beam solidified, the blade sharpened to a razor's edge. She held it in her hands, resting on her chest, as artificial and eternal roses lined her body in the coffin. The coffin itself was engraved with the Maverick Hunter's symbol, along with her and Colonel's new ranks, as well as Repliforce's symbol and their previous ranks.
Despite having the choice to not attend, Zero stood among the Hunters with X and Axl. As she was lowered into the hole in the ground, all Hunters present saluted, dropping the sign of respect only after the soft thud of the coffin hitting the bottom was heard. Signas gave a speech about their exploits in battle during the recent war, praising the siblings highly and expressing regret at their loss. Alia wiped her eyes several times, but eventually her emotion chip took over and she burst into tears, turning to the nearest Hunter and sobbing on his shoulder. Being that chosen Hunter, Axl lightly patted Alia's back and tried to not start crying himself. Those around them glanced at each other, and although they never personally knew the two deceased, all of them mourned.
When Signas was finished, he looked to Zero. All eyes not shedding tears did as well, following the red-armored Hunter as he took the few steps to look straight down into his friend's grave. He knelt and let drop a single living iris flower, which landed on top of the pod-coffin, right over Iris' chest, where her heart would have been.
Zero rose and closed his eyes. He opened his mouth, knowing people wanted to hear a speech or hear him mourn, but nothing came out. He closed and opened his mouth several times until he finally managed a harsh, choking sound. X placed a hand on his arm, indicating Zero did not have to speak.
Zero did have to, or else he'd go mad right then and there. "Colonel… and Iris…" Zero's hands balled into shaking fists as he tried to force out words he barely had left, "were more than good soldiers… they were excellent friends. Despite… Despite what some thought, Colonel wasn't just… wasn't just some stuck-up asshole, and Iris wasn't air-headedly stupid."
Zero clenched his teeth as tears pooled around his eyes. "Colonel knew when to cut loose… Iris knew when to be serious. They… they were just like us." His fists came up to his face to try and stop the flow of tears. "They were just like all of us! People who had personalities, had lives, had hopes and dreams! Iris wanted to retire from the military and own her own florist shop! Colonel wanted to get time off so he could get the human upgrade just so he could finally taste coffee! They had so much left to do and now… now, they can't."
Zero dropped to his knees, shaking in his efforts to control his grief. "They did what was right… they didn't blindly follow their leader like the rest of Repliforce… Colonel and Iris, they fought for us, for the world. They gave up their lives and hopes and dreams just so the rest of us could have ours. And we… and we should… should…"
His broken speech could not be finished; Zero choked off into sobs and moved the rest of those present into tears. Even Signas rubbed his eyes as X dropped next to Zero, the blond crying fiercely into his shoulder. As the mechaniloids began to shovel dirt over Iris, no one moved, watching mournfully as her beautiful face and her brother's dutiful sword vanished under shovelfuls of earth, even the natural iris flower pushed off its perch under the weight of soil. Even when the respectful bugle blast sounded off, Zero's sobs were louder still.
Finally, the Hunters began to disperse, slowly shuffling back to HQ's main building. After making sure he wasn't needed, Axl wrapped an arm around the still-sobbing Alia's shoulders and led her with the crowd, Signas following last. Zero and X remained on the ground, even after the mechaniloids had filled up the grave, patted the dirt down, and meandered off themselves. X looked at the thick tombstone, reading it as he rocked Zero.
Here Lie Colonel and Iris
Proud and Honorable Maverick Hunters
Righteous and Brave Members of Repliforce
Hailed as Heroes, Loved as Family
May Their Sacrifice Never Be In Vain
~*~
Since the funeral, Zero would not speak. At first, X passed it off as a stage of grieving, and he even convinced Signas to let Zero have time off-duty to cope. Signas agreed, stating Zero could have as much time as he needed. After all, if Zero could not battle safely, he could get himself hurt…or worse. Once X told Zero, his boyfriend just nodded and went back to staring at his wall.
Zero hardly left his room, although Axl managed to drag him out more often than X could. Even when out in public, Zero didn't speak. Instead, he ended up letting his face or hands express what he wanted. As soon as Axl or X let him go, he went back to room to do whatever it was grieving people did. X had more or less moved into the dorm with him, and whenever he was off-duty, would spend his time cooped up in Zero's room with him.
X did whatever he thought would help. He ran Zero baths, massaged Zero's shoulders, brushed his hair, made love – whatever it took to change that look of loss into anything else. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes Zero just sighed, buried his face in X's neck and went to sleep. And yet, regardless of what X did, not once did Zero ever say a word.
Alia approached X once day, concern all over her face.
"Is Zero… doing… okay?" she asked slowly.
"As okay as he can be," was the best X could come up with. He signed a form and put it aside, grabbing another from the pile.
Alia cleared her throat. "Well, we're just worried… he spends so much time alone in his room… we're just hoping he isn't… you know, developing horrible habits."
Instantly, X knew what she meant, but instead of the usual anger he would have felt for his friend, X was quite calm in his defense. "The worst thing Zero is doing is smoking more. Even I'm surprised he hasn't hit the alcohol like it was water. In fact, he actually threw out every bottle he owned."
"He isn't…? You know…"
"No, Alia. I've seen his wrists, and he doesn't try get away with long sleeves. He's coping well enough."
Alia remained unconvinced. "It doesn't have to be his wrists, he could do it elsewhere."
At this, X looked up from his paperwork and gave her his serious face. "Alia, I'm his boyfriend. I've been doing things with him to try and help him cope. I assure you, he isn't hurting himself." He pushed a few papers into her face. "Do me a favor and get these to Signas."
The Navigator sighed but took the papers, leaving X alone in his office once more. Once she was gone, X kicked his feet onto his desk, leaning back in his chair and staring at the ceiling. He had another two hours to finish his paperwork before he was considered off the clock and would be able to check on Zero. However, even if he himself mourned the loss of Iris and Colonel, X coped better when he did his normal thing. It would drive him insane to do what Zero was doing, but then again, Zero lost more than friends—he had lost family.
X finished up his forms and dropped by Zero's dorm. Inside, the blond was sitting on his couch, hugging a pillow to his chest while staring at the TV. From how dazed he looked, X could assure he wasn't really watching the movie.
"Hey, love," X called. Zero blinked, and then looked in his direction. "What're you watching?"
Zero looked back at the TV and shrugged. X crossed over to him and sat next to him, wrapping an arm around Zero's shoulders. Zero's dorm was clean as usual; even in his depression, Zero kept some things normal and routine. X sighed softly, and then raised an eyebrow when Zero pushed him a bit.
"What?"
Zero pushed him again before jerking his chin towards the other side of the couch. More confused than hurt, X moved over to the other end of the couch. When he was seated, Zero laid down, using X's lap as a pillow even as he still held the cushion to his chest. X smiled softly and gently swept Zero's hair from his face, lightly massaging Zero's temple as he did so.
"You don't have to answer," X whispered softly. "But remember I love you, okay?"
Zero's eyes shimmered with what seemed like tears, but he actually smiled at X, and it was all right. Zero even sat up a bit to kiss him, and a grateful expression passed over the blonds' face. X lightly touched Zero's chin with his fingertips.
"I promised Axl and Double I'd have lunch with them… do you want to come?" X asked.
Zero shook his head, closing his eyes and putting the couch cushion back in its place. He sat up fully so that X could stand, and watched with blank blue eyes as X straightened out his clothes. X bent down, giving Zero a deep kiss, trailing his lips along Zero's jaw line. A breathy sigh was his reward, and X felt triumphant in that.
"Want me to come back when I'm done? I'll bring you some food or something."
Zero shrugged, and X took it has an undecided shrug. He whispered his love to Zero and left, promising to come back with something sweet. Zero watched him go, and when the door slid shut behind X, the blond stood and went to his bedroom. He sat heavily on his bed, holding his head in his hands. Several minutes ticked by as he stayed in that position until he finally mustered the willpower to look at his nightstand.
Still there was the saved image of Iris and Colonel from their first and only holographic phone call. Iris, her face lit up in that precious smile of hers, waving so merrily as Colonel still looked half asleep and confused, waving awkwardly in the same direction as his sister. They looked so normal, so typical, so…
Zero gingerly reached over and hit the dial button. The image vanished and ringing echoed in his empty room. Seven rings later, Iris' voice drifted through the speakers.
"You've reached the American residence of Colonel and Iris of Repliforce. I apologize, but we can't answer right now. If it's important, please call us via our cell phones. If it can wait, please leave a message and we will call you back."
Zero had lost count of how many times he had dialed that number just to hear the voicemail. Hearing it both crushed and comforted him; it was almost as if he just called at a different time, maybe Iris or Colonel would pick up. But the instant he thought that, images of Colonel's broken body falling to the ground or Iris' death in his arms surged to the forefront of his mind. He felt his chest tighten, as if a thousand tons of pressure was crushing him, and Zero suddenly found it hard to breathe. He pressed the hang up button, and before he knew it, Zero was dialing Iris' cell phone number.
It only rang once before the operator came on, "We're sorry. The number you are trying to reach is no longer in service."
Zero clicked the phone off, and the image of the siblings returned. He groaned as the pressure in him increased and he laid on his bed, curling up as tightly as he could. Tears slipped from his eyes onto his sheets, joining other tearstains he never bothered to wash out.
His mind screamed for him to do something to relieve the pain, the guilt. A myriad of methods raced through his mind and, despite how hopeless he felt, Zero tossed each idea out of his thought process. Drinking into oblivion and forcing a drunken simulation would not help. Inflicting pain on himself would not help. Lashing out violently would not help, at least not in the long run, and the last thing Zero wanted to do was develop a habit of getting violent when upset, especially with the chance he could hurt X. Hurt X like he had Colonel and Iris.
Zero squeezed his eyes shut. If only his mind would do what he did and never spoke again, at least until he could manage this pressure, this pit he felt like he was sinking into and losing his grip on the edge. What if he never pulled himself out? What if he were crushed? What would happen to X, to Axl, to those still here? Zero knew he was in a mess, and yet, he felt too helpless to fix it.
He covered his ears with his hands, biting his lower lip to try not to cry out loud. He never felt so lost, so useless or hopeless. What was left?
What's left to do anymore? I can't protect the people I care about, I can't save anyone… What can I do? What am I fighting for?
<--- PREVIOUS CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER --->
Construction to the damaged areas of Maverick Hunter Headquarters had already begun by the time X, Axl, and Zero landed. Waiting for them at the Space Station were Signas, Alia, and Lifesaver. When Zero emerged behind X and Axl carrying Iris, what smiles that were on the welcoming teams' faces died. Lifesaver tried to step in front of Zero to get a look at her, try to salvage her, but the blond shoved past him and continued his march to HQ, head bowed. Signas turned to X, his face a mixture of sympathy and confusion.
"You can't salvage her, sir…" X muttered, his voice low with sadness. "Her entire internal structure is destroyed, all of her chips burned and most of her components melted. Even if you remake her… she won't be Iris."
Signas looked back where Zero had gone, then simply ordered, "I want a full report by tomorrow. Hunters, dismissed."
X and Axl returned Signas' salute and the group trailed after Zero, keeping a respectable distance from the grieving Reploid. When they reached HQ, a group of official government humans were waiting for Signas and his heroes. Zero had given them one blank look before veering down a different, undestroyed hallway. X tried to follow, but the officials would have none of it, demanding he be present for the meeting. X watched mournfully as Zero disappeared, only moving toward the meeting room when Axl tugged on his hand.
At the meeting room, the humans were quick to announce their 'good deeds' for all that happened during the trio's time in space.
"We have successfully dismantled and discarded any remaining Repliforce members," the chairman said, "and have destroyed any traces of them. Let us hope we can forget this failure of a police force."
X winced. "Isn't that a little far, sir?"
"Certainly not. It is a precaution. Any and all Reploids that were in Repliforce have been scraped and recycled." The chairman then looked at Signas, his face clouded. "That third hunter, the one carrying the girl… she was Repliforce's top Ride Armor Pilot, Iris, wasn't she?"
Signas showed nothing on his face. Reploids made incredible talkers and bluffers due to being able to perfectly stone-face anyone they spoke to. "Yes. Iris and Colonel of Repliforce have helped us immensely during this war. I would like to have their remains buried in the Repliforce Cemetery, and for them to be given an officer's honorable funeral."
"Request denied," the chairman replied. "Regardless of who they defected to at last second, they were Repliforce and may carry remnants of Virus. Destroy their remains and recycle them."
Axl actually snorted, and the chairman looked to him with a face of disgust. The pistol-toting Reploid returned the look with a challenging one of his own. "Yeah? You wanna do that? I dare you to tell that to Zero."
"Axl," X hissed, "don't provoke them."
"Besides, we destroyed the Repliforce Cemetery," one of the other humans quipped. "There is no place to bury their remains."
Signas stood up from his seat to his full towering height. "Unfortunately, Chairman, I cannot in good conscience allow you to scrape the remains of Iris and Colonel. Without them, the Final Weapon would still be up in space, aimed at Earth and ready to fire. If the Repliforce Cemetery has been destroyed, than as the last commanding officer either of the deceased obeyed, I hereby claim Iris and Colonel as Maverick Hunters."
"You cannot do that!" the chairman protested, standing and slamming his palms into the table.
"Under military times, yes, I can." Signas said. "Iris and Colonel had defected from Repliforce more or less when this war began and had joined our side. As I did not reject their aid, I unceremoniously inducted them into the Maverick Hunters."
Signas held his hand out. "All of you shall bear witness. Colonel, previously the colonel of Repliforce, has, with his valiant work on the field in service to the Maverick Hunters, obtained the rank of S of the Special 0 Unit. Iris, previously Ride Armor pilot of Repliforce, has, with her battle prowess on the field in service to the Maverick Hunters, obtained the rank of A of the Armored Division. They shall be buried within the officers' cemetery of the Maverick Hunter Headquarters with a proper funeral befitting such ranked soldiers."
X allowed himself a small smile at the gaping mouths of the human government officials. Zero will be relieved that they will be honored…
Signas ushered X and Axl out of the meeting when the humans, regaining their wits, exploded into an argument with Signas. X stayed outside the room, listening in, as Signas refused to back down from his declaration. A strange satisfaction filled X when he heard Signas rip into the humans about honor and pride, and the thought, About time someone stood up to them, entered X's mind. Despite how it sounded borderline Maverick, X enjoyed the simple pleasure of it before going off on his hunt to find Zero. Axl watched X go, and then decided the two would need to be alone together, heading towards the cafeteria.
X first checked Zero's dorm room, then the Recharge Room. The garden had been decimated by the Maverick attack, but X checked there anyway. Zero was in none of those places, and not at the outside lobby either. X raced around everywhere, wondering how the hell Zero managed to still hide himself so effectively in a half-ruined building. As a last-ditch effort, X did check the HQ graveyard.
While most Reploids were destroyed on the field, whenever possible their remains were brought back to be buried. As most humans commonly use 'scraping' and 'recycling' as threats, Reploids found that re-using a dead Reploid's parts was dishonorable and unforgiveable. Instead, they opted to do as humans did: bury their dead. Of course, for Reploids, dead only meant when even if repaired, the Reploid would not be the 'same' Reploid as before. This brought around the confusion that, if a Reploid had to undergo a memory wipe, would he or she be considered dead? The same question, along with all sorts of theories and counter-arguments, still circulated today. For the Hunters, dead meant at least seventy-five percent of bodily destruction, plus loss of both memory and personality chips and no existing backups of either; it also was for those Reploids who did not want to be repaired and instead chose to be shut down permanently. As most Reploids did have backups and didn't mind outer body changes, the HQ graveyard was rather small.
X's luck finally improved, for Zero was at the graveyard with Iris' body. He had her lying on the bench while he sat on the ground, knees drawn up to his chest and arms around his legs. In a way, it was comical to see a fully-armored hunter, especially an elite one like Zero, in such a fetal and vulnerable position. The humor died a pitiful death, however, when Zero looked at X with a blank face and tearstains on his cheeks. Zero's eyes, the most expressive part of any living being, were a hurricane of emotion. He looked, in the bluntest and most horrible of terms, pathetic.
X knelt next to him and pulled Zero close, the blond releasing his legs and leaning into the embrace. X lifted Zero's wrist and tapped the compartment there, and when it retracted, revealed a miniature computer. X checked Zero's energy levels; his tanks were depleted and he was running on the last of his back-up. If X didn't plug Zero up soon, he'd be force to shut down.
The blue-armored Reploid said nothing as he closed the compartment. Didn't scold, didn't mother-hen. He knew that Zero wanted to drain himself out, to shut down from lack of energy. Despite the dangers of it, X knew how… relieving it could be to feel just so drained and finally slip away for just a little bit of time. Zero needed that strange relief before what bits of him were left shattered. Zero never took his eyes off Iris' body, and X just held him close and rested his cheek against Zero's helmet. Minutes of silence, heavy and choking, passed them by and still nothing was said… nothing could be said.
The whine of Zero's systems grew louder as they attempted to keep themselves operational. As the blond sank further and further into X's arms, more and more of his systems were forced to shut down. Zero let out a soft, breathy 'thank you' before he went completely offline, and X squeezed him close. After checking to ensure he was fully offline, X called for another Hunter to help him bring Zero and Iris back into HQ, and get Zero to a charger.
When Iris, with Colonel's sword still in her hands, was taken to be prepared for the funeral, X watched over Zero in the recharging pod. He placed his hands against the glass lid of the pod, and then pressed his forehead against it. He closed his eyes, and tears stung behind his eyelids.
"I'm sorry, Zero…"
~*~
Iris and Colonel had a beautiful funeral.
The pod-coffin had been custom-crafted and specially sealed to prevent the girl from ever rusting. She lay on a soft bed of satin, her armored dress polished until it shone like she was fresh off the creator's table. Her hair had been specially treated to remain in place and to shimmer like stars, and Colonel's sword was cleaned and the beam solidified, the blade sharpened to a razor's edge. She held it in her hands, resting on her chest, as artificial and eternal roses lined her body in the coffin. The coffin itself was engraved with the Maverick Hunter's symbol, along with her and Colonel's new ranks, as well as Repliforce's symbol and their previous ranks.
Despite having the choice to not attend, Zero stood among the Hunters with X and Axl. As she was lowered into the hole in the ground, all Hunters present saluted, dropping the sign of respect only after the soft thud of the coffin hitting the bottom was heard. Signas gave a speech about their exploits in battle during the recent war, praising the siblings highly and expressing regret at their loss. Alia wiped her eyes several times, but eventually her emotion chip took over and she burst into tears, turning to the nearest Hunter and sobbing on his shoulder. Being that chosen Hunter, Axl lightly patted Alia's back and tried to not start crying himself. Those around them glanced at each other, and although they never personally knew the two deceased, all of them mourned.
When Signas was finished, he looked to Zero. All eyes not shedding tears did as well, following the red-armored Hunter as he took the few steps to look straight down into his friend's grave. He knelt and let drop a single living iris flower, which landed on top of the pod-coffin, right over Iris' chest, where her heart would have been.
Zero rose and closed his eyes. He opened his mouth, knowing people wanted to hear a speech or hear him mourn, but nothing came out. He closed and opened his mouth several times until he finally managed a harsh, choking sound. X placed a hand on his arm, indicating Zero did not have to speak.
Zero did have to, or else he'd go mad right then and there. "Colonel… and Iris…" Zero's hands balled into shaking fists as he tried to force out words he barely had left, "were more than good soldiers… they were excellent friends. Despite… Despite what some thought, Colonel wasn't just… wasn't just some stuck-up asshole, and Iris wasn't air-headedly stupid."
Zero clenched his teeth as tears pooled around his eyes. "Colonel knew when to cut loose… Iris knew when to be serious. They… they were just like us." His fists came up to his face to try and stop the flow of tears. "They were just like all of us! People who had personalities, had lives, had hopes and dreams! Iris wanted to retire from the military and own her own florist shop! Colonel wanted to get time off so he could get the human upgrade just so he could finally taste coffee! They had so much left to do and now… now, they can't."
Zero dropped to his knees, shaking in his efforts to control his grief. "They did what was right… they didn't blindly follow their leader like the rest of Repliforce… Colonel and Iris, they fought for us, for the world. They gave up their lives and hopes and dreams just so the rest of us could have ours. And we… and we should… should…"
His broken speech could not be finished; Zero choked off into sobs and moved the rest of those present into tears. Even Signas rubbed his eyes as X dropped next to Zero, the blond crying fiercely into his shoulder. As the mechaniloids began to shovel dirt over Iris, no one moved, watching mournfully as her beautiful face and her brother's dutiful sword vanished under shovelfuls of earth, even the natural iris flower pushed off its perch under the weight of soil. Even when the respectful bugle blast sounded off, Zero's sobs were louder still.
Finally, the Hunters began to disperse, slowly shuffling back to HQ's main building. After making sure he wasn't needed, Axl wrapped an arm around the still-sobbing Alia's shoulders and led her with the crowd, Signas following last. Zero and X remained on the ground, even after the mechaniloids had filled up the grave, patted the dirt down, and meandered off themselves. X looked at the thick tombstone, reading it as he rocked Zero.
Here Lie Colonel and Iris
Proud and Honorable Maverick Hunters
Righteous and Brave Members of Repliforce
Hailed as Heroes, Loved as Family
May Their Sacrifice Never Be In Vain
~*~
Since the funeral, Zero would not speak. At first, X passed it off as a stage of grieving, and he even convinced Signas to let Zero have time off-duty to cope. Signas agreed, stating Zero could have as much time as he needed. After all, if Zero could not battle safely, he could get himself hurt…or worse. Once X told Zero, his boyfriend just nodded and went back to staring at his wall.
Zero hardly left his room, although Axl managed to drag him out more often than X could. Even when out in public, Zero didn't speak. Instead, he ended up letting his face or hands express what he wanted. As soon as Axl or X let him go, he went back to room to do whatever it was grieving people did. X had more or less moved into the dorm with him, and whenever he was off-duty, would spend his time cooped up in Zero's room with him.
X did whatever he thought would help. He ran Zero baths, massaged Zero's shoulders, brushed his hair, made love – whatever it took to change that look of loss into anything else. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes Zero just sighed, buried his face in X's neck and went to sleep. And yet, regardless of what X did, not once did Zero ever say a word.
Alia approached X once day, concern all over her face.
"Is Zero… doing… okay?" she asked slowly.
"As okay as he can be," was the best X could come up with. He signed a form and put it aside, grabbing another from the pile.
Alia cleared her throat. "Well, we're just worried… he spends so much time alone in his room… we're just hoping he isn't… you know, developing horrible habits."
Instantly, X knew what she meant, but instead of the usual anger he would have felt for his friend, X was quite calm in his defense. "The worst thing Zero is doing is smoking more. Even I'm surprised he hasn't hit the alcohol like it was water. In fact, he actually threw out every bottle he owned."
"He isn't…? You know…"
"No, Alia. I've seen his wrists, and he doesn't try get away with long sleeves. He's coping well enough."
Alia remained unconvinced. "It doesn't have to be his wrists, he could do it elsewhere."
At this, X looked up from his paperwork and gave her his serious face. "Alia, I'm his boyfriend. I've been doing things with him to try and help him cope. I assure you, he isn't hurting himself." He pushed a few papers into her face. "Do me a favor and get these to Signas."
The Navigator sighed but took the papers, leaving X alone in his office once more. Once she was gone, X kicked his feet onto his desk, leaning back in his chair and staring at the ceiling. He had another two hours to finish his paperwork before he was considered off the clock and would be able to check on Zero. However, even if he himself mourned the loss of Iris and Colonel, X coped better when he did his normal thing. It would drive him insane to do what Zero was doing, but then again, Zero lost more than friends—he had lost family.
X finished up his forms and dropped by Zero's dorm. Inside, the blond was sitting on his couch, hugging a pillow to his chest while staring at the TV. From how dazed he looked, X could assure he wasn't really watching the movie.
"Hey, love," X called. Zero blinked, and then looked in his direction. "What're you watching?"
Zero looked back at the TV and shrugged. X crossed over to him and sat next to him, wrapping an arm around Zero's shoulders. Zero's dorm was clean as usual; even in his depression, Zero kept some things normal and routine. X sighed softly, and then raised an eyebrow when Zero pushed him a bit.
"What?"
Zero pushed him again before jerking his chin towards the other side of the couch. More confused than hurt, X moved over to the other end of the couch. When he was seated, Zero laid down, using X's lap as a pillow even as he still held the cushion to his chest. X smiled softly and gently swept Zero's hair from his face, lightly massaging Zero's temple as he did so.
"You don't have to answer," X whispered softly. "But remember I love you, okay?"
Zero's eyes shimmered with what seemed like tears, but he actually smiled at X, and it was all right. Zero even sat up a bit to kiss him, and a grateful expression passed over the blonds' face. X lightly touched Zero's chin with his fingertips.
"I promised Axl and Double I'd have lunch with them… do you want to come?" X asked.
Zero shook his head, closing his eyes and putting the couch cushion back in its place. He sat up fully so that X could stand, and watched with blank blue eyes as X straightened out his clothes. X bent down, giving Zero a deep kiss, trailing his lips along Zero's jaw line. A breathy sigh was his reward, and X felt triumphant in that.
"Want me to come back when I'm done? I'll bring you some food or something."
Zero shrugged, and X took it has an undecided shrug. He whispered his love to Zero and left, promising to come back with something sweet. Zero watched him go, and when the door slid shut behind X, the blond stood and went to his bedroom. He sat heavily on his bed, holding his head in his hands. Several minutes ticked by as he stayed in that position until he finally mustered the willpower to look at his nightstand.
Still there was the saved image of Iris and Colonel from their first and only holographic phone call. Iris, her face lit up in that precious smile of hers, waving so merrily as Colonel still looked half asleep and confused, waving awkwardly in the same direction as his sister. They looked so normal, so typical, so…
Zero gingerly reached over and hit the dial button. The image vanished and ringing echoed in his empty room. Seven rings later, Iris' voice drifted through the speakers.
"You've reached the American residence of Colonel and Iris of Repliforce. I apologize, but we can't answer right now. If it's important, please call us via our cell phones. If it can wait, please leave a message and we will call you back."
Zero had lost count of how many times he had dialed that number just to hear the voicemail. Hearing it both crushed and comforted him; it was almost as if he just called at a different time, maybe Iris or Colonel would pick up. But the instant he thought that, images of Colonel's broken body falling to the ground or Iris' death in his arms surged to the forefront of his mind. He felt his chest tighten, as if a thousand tons of pressure was crushing him, and Zero suddenly found it hard to breathe. He pressed the hang up button, and before he knew it, Zero was dialing Iris' cell phone number.
It only rang once before the operator came on, "We're sorry. The number you are trying to reach is no longer in service."
Zero clicked the phone off, and the image of the siblings returned. He groaned as the pressure in him increased and he laid on his bed, curling up as tightly as he could. Tears slipped from his eyes onto his sheets, joining other tearstains he never bothered to wash out.
His mind screamed for him to do something to relieve the pain, the guilt. A myriad of methods raced through his mind and, despite how hopeless he felt, Zero tossed each idea out of his thought process. Drinking into oblivion and forcing a drunken simulation would not help. Inflicting pain on himself would not help. Lashing out violently would not help, at least not in the long run, and the last thing Zero wanted to do was develop a habit of getting violent when upset, especially with the chance he could hurt X. Hurt X like he had Colonel and Iris.
Zero squeezed his eyes shut. If only his mind would do what he did and never spoke again, at least until he could manage this pressure, this pit he felt like he was sinking into and losing his grip on the edge. What if he never pulled himself out? What if he were crushed? What would happen to X, to Axl, to those still here? Zero knew he was in a mess, and yet, he felt too helpless to fix it.
He covered his ears with his hands, biting his lower lip to try not to cry out loud. He never felt so lost, so useless or hopeless. What was left?
What's left to do anymore? I can't protect the people I care about, I can't save anyone… What can I do? What am I fighting for?
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