Rockin' Zero Again
Zero was a god, and not just any god, but a god with a capital G and of destruction, baby!
Well, according to these weirdo freaks he had to kill, anyway.
It didn't matter that this all seemed sort of out of nowhere and kinda creepy, or the fact it seemed like it was some mystical puzzle he probably should try to solve. All that mattered was for a moment, Zero's ego was stoked, because God of Destruction just sounded so freakin' cool. I mean, c'mon, Zero, the GOD OF DESTRUCTION. Sure it sounded evil as the devil himself, but Zero liked being badass, and that title was badass.
Especially since he was really old.
Great, he had to remember that fact. All badassery went down the drain, and Zero glumly went back to the Resistance Base for some much needed R&R. But, just like this morning, God said I don't think so, you freak and lo! The Navigators have found Copy X's base of operations.
Hm. To sleep, or get rid of the threat and have no interruptions afterwards?
Daaaaaaaaamnit. "Trans me." Zero was gonna regret ever saying those words.
And what a stupid phrase to start saying. The entire time Zero hopped across spike pits (what the shit? Spike pits? Really?) and tried to avoid getting shot by cameras or Pantheons, he had to contemplate such a saying. Because, honestly, he was Zero and spike pits and cameras were nothing to the almighty legendary Zero.
And then God said, Shut up you egotistical idiot. And Zero lost his footing.
"Ow, shit, damn, fuuuuu—!!" Zero scrambled out of the pit, thankfully only piercing his leg through his motherfucking thigh!
At least it wasn't his core, right? Zero had to be somewhat thankful Ciel had the foresight to make an Elf-induced upgrade to Zero's armor to somewhat deflect spikes. Either he was just that old-fashioned or poorly built, but Zero still could not fathom why the hell metal spikes could kill him so easily. There had been way too many close calls….
A repairing energy capsule was dropped near him, and Zero glared at the giggling Elf he had chosen to help him with this mission. Nonetheless, he snatched the capsule and was as good as decent in a few minutes. Since he was so freaking old he could never be as good as 'new' so decent would have to do.
Damn today sucked.
After climbing up a shaft (snicker. Hey, Zero could be a perv, he was old, right?) full of ledges with spikes, not to mention the freaking walls were covered in them, and dodging yet more bullets, Zero nonetheless made it to the end. He paused at the door, knowing an epic battle waits. Him versus Copy X, a potentially stronger version. An eviler, more vile version. The ultimate show down of good versus evil. Of hot versus not.
Okay, that was a lie. Copy X looked like X, and Zero won't deny he was just so cute in his stupid naivety. Cue retarded grin.
Wait, that was so wrong! First, Copy X was built what, maybe two or three years ago? And he was like, X's twin brother. Holy shit, not only was Zero old and a pervert, but he now was a homosexual pedophile whore.
…
Wow, wait.
DAMN IT.
Zero was going to hit his head on the door, but it decided to open on him, and he tumbled through with a not-so-manly cry of surprise and landed on his pretty face. Well, maybe not so pretty anymore.
"Well, th-th-that was a-anti-climactic." Copy X stuttered dryly from his position on the other end of the room.
Zero raised one hand in the air to indicate he needed a moment, because he did. Despite the helmet, he still managed to flatten his nose a bit, and it hurt like hell. After Copy X ever so graciously gave him a minute to recover (aw, wasn't Copy X sweet?) Zero finally pushed himself off the floor and got to his feet.
"W-would you l-like to try th-tha-that again?" the copy said, smirking a bit.
X's face sure looked sexy in a smirk, but Zero couldn't get distracted. This was a vile copy of his best friend! This creep killed innocents, human and Reploid, betrayed his programming and most of all, was the whole fucking reason Zero got forced awake anyway. He deserved a painful death! He deserved Zero beating the crap out of him!
… but damn he was cute.
"Nah, I'm good," Zero waved his hand nonchalantly. "So anyway… do you have some big bad speech ready for me, or can we get down to it?"
Copy X looked contemplative (squee, how adorable) for a few minutes, then he smiled (aww) which actually was sort of creepy. "I-I-I have a prop-proposition for y-you."
That stutter should be annoying, but Zero just found himself wanting to pinch Copy X's cheeks. Instead he folded his arms. "I refuse," he said. Because face it, it was the same old thing over and over. 'Join me and we'll rule the world bwahahaha' blah.
Copy X sauntered toward him—yes, sauntered, and Zero couldn't help glancing a bit to see those hips sway—and when he was near Zero, leaned forward a bit with a cheeky grin and glinting, mischievous eyes. Cuteness was gone, replaced by what the hell is going on oh please don't do what I think you're gonna do…
"Th-the fact you w-were able to defeat m-me s-so… thoroughly so lon-long ago was no-nothing short of a-amazing," Copy X probably would have sound more seductive if not for the stutter, but he tried anyway. And Zero figured, heck, it's the thought that counts. "Y-you have my res-respect, despite b-being an extremist Ma-Maverick."
Zero stared at him, and if the helmet let him, he would have raised an eyebrow. "Thanks?"
"S-so I give y-you one ch-ch-ch-chance." Copy X raised an index finger, pressing it to his lips and giving Zero a flirty wink. "B-b-become my se-second lover."
And the world went to hell in a hand basket.
Or at least, Zero's mind did.
"What?" Zero asked. Because surely he misheard that. He hadn't cleaned his ear ports in a while, and this would definitely stick with him forever to keep up regular maintenance. Good God, he had to be kidding, right?
And God said No, son. He wasn't.
"Become m-my second-ond lover."
Zero first had to grasp the mere idea of what was being presented to him. Because what the shit, this was random and totally blindsided him so hard Zero swore his left eye was malfunctioning. After a few seconds of letting it sink in, he then had a miniature panic attack at the fact he was, for these seconds, considering it. Let's face it, Zero was a freak, but was he this big of a freak he'd shag his best friend's evil copy because he couldn't get with said best friend, or was at least too scared to tell him he had a crush on him?
This was screwed up.
Whoa, wait.
"Second lover?" Zero asked, eyes wide. "Do you mean replace your current one or fill in for one that died…?" For a second, he thought of Phantom.
Phantom, as in, X's sort of son.
Aw, shit no. Cannot unsee!
"N-no," Copy X looked a bit pouty. "B-be the one I-I spend time wi-with when the first i-is out on his du-duties."
So the other was a guy. And if Copy X was X's copy (cause… well, yeah.) then did this mean X was that way? Zero had to turn him down, because that meant there was a chance!
… except X was dead.
Damn.
But the right thing to do was to turn him down anyway! "Sorry," Zero said. "That's just wrong. And I don't like sharing."
"E-even with y-yourself?"
"… Pardon me?"
Copy X sighed, straightening himself with obvious disappointment. "An-and here I thought y-you were as 'fr-freakish' as th-they say."
Zero was horrified. Who said such things about him?! "Who said that!"
"And that y-you liked X."
"I do."
Copy X gave Zero a leer. "Th-then you want to sc-screw him."
Zero scowled. "There's more to it than that!"
"I lo-look just li-like him. Why do y-you refuse? D-do you not find X attra-attractive?"
The scowl got worse. "I do!"
"As does y-your other half," and now Zero was officially derailed and confused. "S-so why say n-no?"
Zero paused for a moment, then frowned some more. "Because I'm not in love with you."
And Copy X laughed, and it made his stutter that much worse. "Y-yo-you're a-a-a-as mu-much-ch-ch of a-a-a p-pa-pat-pa-patsy a-as I-I-I-I wa-wa-was-s-s to-told!"
"As much of a… oh."
And then Zero punched Copy X right in his cute little mouth.
Even God went quiet after that.