Reflection
Love might as well equal chaos, from what I've witnessed, first-hand and remembering.
Nothing very positive seems to outweigh the negative and flaws of love. Every day, when she thinks I'm not looking or listening, I see or hear Ciel's pain as she pines for me. Love is what drove the Guardians, ultimately, to their deaths at that abandoned laboratory; love for humanity, love for their ruler and thier beliefs. Love is what made X fight, made him use his body as a seal, made him die twice.
I think, if I reflect on his last words, it was love that ultimately pointed Elpizo down the dark road he embarked on. I think he loved Ciel, and in the shadows of that love, wanted to prove he could protect her like I can. Prove he cared, prove he was there for her when in reality, I'm really not.
It was love for their mother that drove the baby elves to manipulate the weak and believe in Weil. They loved her so much they didn't care what destruction and mayhem they caused, all so they could see their mother again.
Hell, even Weil's reasoning could be love. His love for control, for revenge, will lead to his downfall. Sigma loved control and absolution, and now he was not even a memory anymore. Love drove Craft to following Weil, and ultimately to his own unworthy death.
Rifling through memories, I'm surprised anyone could bother with any sort of love. What was the point? Love drove Iris mad--her love for me, and her love for her brother, destroyed her mind and forced me to destroy her body. Love for his pride and people drove Colonel to follow General in his senseless war against the Hunters. Love for the Reploid race made General a puppet.
In light of all this, are the fleeting moments of happiness, of bliss, worth all the pain and anguish love can bring?
I honestly didn't think so.
If Iris had not loved me, perhaps she would not have been driven insane by her feelings. If Ciel did not love me, maybe she would suffer a little less. If love was out of the equation, maybe some lives would be saved.
X would be around. The Guardians would still be pestering me. Maybe Sigma and Weil would have never come about.
That's wishful thinking, sadly. Even I know better than that. If X didn't love, the world probably would have died a hundred years ago, during the Maverick Wars.
And if I didn't love, the world would be dead now.
As much as I seem to hate the emotion, even I know I'm a victim to the damn thing. If I didn't love X, I would not be upholding my promise to him, upholding his beliefs. If I didn't love Ciel, I would not be defending her, protecting her. If I didn't love Alouette, Cerveau, the Resistance... they'd all be dead. The Guardians even--well, I don't think I loved them, but I ended up caring, especially Harpuia. I honestly thought that idiot couldn't die, and I was sort of counting on it.
Some people say money makes the world go round. No. Hate? No. War? No. Peace? No. Love? Nah, it just kept it alive so it could go round.
Love's pretty chaotic. It's general, nonspecific, sporadic and fickle. It makes a horrible enemy and a worse ally; a useless weapon and even more worthless defense. I honestly think maybe war would happen less if people could quit loving.
Unfortunately, not even I could--well, technically, if I got rid of my stupid emotion chip--stop from feeling some sort of love. As to what kind it is, I don't know, and I honestly don't give much of a damn. I don't love everyone like they do me--but whatever keeps them sleeping at night and cheery in the morning.
I have a feeling I'm going to die for something like love. Peace, people, sure, I'll do it, and I bet I've done it before. Love? That would probably piss me off. Too many complications come from it.
Then again, so do solutions.
I suppose the consolation would be I get to see the people I loved again, whenever I end up kicking the bucket. I'll see Iris, Colonel, Alia, Layer, Signas, Axl, and above all, X. I don't think I'll go to the same place as Ciel when she grows old and dies, but I got a feeling I'll see her one more time before she keels over as well.
In the end, love is love. Nothing really can define it. Stupid emotion. I have to respect it's power, though. I guess that could make it a worthy reason to die.
I'd prefer to say I died because I got the short end of the stick, but humans are romantics by trade. I hate to see what they say about me when their 'legend' is gone. Some of the crap I hear about X is pretty hilarious. I bet he'll enjoy the laugh, when I see him next.
I guess it's time, then. Time to go save the world... again. Damn thing is lucky, I'd say.