Fleeting Instant
/I wake up, put on my face.
Identify with the human race./
Identify with the human race./
X's hand snatched out, grabbing the door knob before Dr. Cain could hobble in. He heard the good doctor let out an indignant noise, but he remained silent and steadfast, keeping the door closed. Dr. Cain pounded on the door, but X's vocal box was still on the desk, and he couldn't reply.
Eventually Dr. Cain finally left, and when X was sure he was gone, carefully went back to the desk. There most of his facial components lay, as well as his voice box. X picked up the synthetic skin that was his face, staring at the deflated lump of stuff.
This is what makes them comfortable. X knew, if he walked out without his humanly appearance, they would become afraid and shun him. Even if he was still the same.
X sighed, but it was just his diaphragm plates pushing on the balloons in his chest to force air up. He had to look like he was breathing, or else he wasn't human enough.
But really, would he ever be human enough?
X put his vocal box back together and re-installed it, then put his face back on. He had a meeting to go to, and he needed to be decent at least. He should probably apologize to Dr. Cain first…
Eventually Dr. Cain finally left, and when X was sure he was gone, carefully went back to the desk. There most of his facial components lay, as well as his voice box. X picked up the synthetic skin that was his face, staring at the deflated lump of stuff.
This is what makes them comfortable. X knew, if he walked out without his humanly appearance, they would become afraid and shun him. Even if he was still the same.
X sighed, but it was just his diaphragm plates pushing on the balloons in his chest to force air up. He had to look like he was breathing, or else he wasn't human enough.
But really, would he ever be human enough?
X put his vocal box back together and re-installed it, then put his face back on. He had a meeting to go to, and he needed to be decent at least. He should probably apologize to Dr. Cain first…
/I fall asleep, take off my face;
Somehow the light can't keep up the pace.../
Somehow the light can't keep up the pace.../
By the time X was finally ready to put himself into hibernation, it was nearly eleven at night. The day he spent forcing himself to smile at humans and nod at their mini-speeches at him had eaten up so much of his energy he almost didn't make it to the pod. If it was this hard pretending to be human, X had to wonder how hard it was to be human.
He peeled off the armor that served as his clothing, careful to let the wires detach before tossing the hunks of metal aside. Once it was all off, he felt so much lighter, but all the more vulnerable, all of his circuitry and softer metal plates now exposed to the air. Sometimes, X wondered if he'd short-circuit like any other machine if he went into water without his armor. But he wasn't game to test it, and he shook the silly idea out with a brisk shake of his head as he removed his helmet.
X felt along his skull plates, wondering what it would be like to have hair. The only person he knew that had an idea was Zero, but it wasn't like that ponytail was real hair or even properly attached to his head.
If he ever could be upgraded, X wanted actual hair.
But that was silly, and X peeled off the synthetic skin of his face. It needed to soak in solution after that little girl threw her cola into his face; he wasn't a fan of the sticky sensation that leaked through to his facial wires.
Looking at the mirror and looking more like an emotionless, witless machine more than ever, X wondered what it really meant to be human.
He set the face into a container of solution and climbed into the pod. There weren't enough daylight hours to muse, and the night required him to rest. X wondered what it would be like to have the time to imagine… to truly imagine, not make up simulation scenarios in a processor. Or, was it the same thing?
He needed to rest.
He peeled off the armor that served as his clothing, careful to let the wires detach before tossing the hunks of metal aside. Once it was all off, he felt so much lighter, but all the more vulnerable, all of his circuitry and softer metal plates now exposed to the air. Sometimes, X wondered if he'd short-circuit like any other machine if he went into water without his armor. But he wasn't game to test it, and he shook the silly idea out with a brisk shake of his head as he removed his helmet.
X felt along his skull plates, wondering what it would be like to have hair. The only person he knew that had an idea was Zero, but it wasn't like that ponytail was real hair or even properly attached to his head.
If he ever could be upgraded, X wanted actual hair.
But that was silly, and X peeled off the synthetic skin of his face. It needed to soak in solution after that little girl threw her cola into his face; he wasn't a fan of the sticky sensation that leaked through to his facial wires.
Looking at the mirror and looking more like an emotionless, witless machine more than ever, X wondered what it really meant to be human.
He set the face into a container of solution and climbed into the pod. There weren't enough daylight hours to muse, and the night required him to rest. X wondered what it would be like to have the time to imagine… to truly imagine, not make up simulation scenarios in a processor. Or, was it the same thing?
He needed to rest.
/"Don't be so hard on yourself;
You've got so much to pull off the shelf."
Pack it away, then pack it in...
Life is too short;
The air's getting thin.../
You've got so much to pull off the shelf."
Pack it away, then pack it in...
Life is too short;
The air's getting thin.../
"How long has it been?" Zero asked him.
X wasn't sure what he was asking, so he gave Zero his vapid-eyed look. The red-armored Reploid smirked—X never felt the compulsion to smirk, he wondered what that was like—and plopped next to him on the ground, looking at the permanently dark city sky-dome.
"Since Sigma went Maverick and the Wars started." Zero clarified.
"Oh." X looked into his memory files. "About sixty years."
"Sixty years…" Zero muttered. "You've been fighting for sixty years…"
"Not very well, since it's been that long."
Zero gave him a look he didn't quite understand. "Don't be so hard on yourself," Zero scolded. "You're doing your damnedest, and you've saved this world so many times it's pathetic. You're a hero."
X glared. "I am not."
The red-armored Reploid clocked him upside the head, nearly knocking X off the ledge he was sitting on. "Yes, you are. You strive for the world and never once lost that wish for peace. Sure, you malfunctioned for a bit there during the Red Alert Crisis… but you still wanted peace. You kept yourself and use yourself to defend."
Yes, that was true. X defended what he didn't really comprehend. Sixty plus years and he still didn't get what it meant to be human. And yet he fought for it…
"I'm tired of fighting," X muttered. He look up to the moon, where the last battle—he hoped was the last battle—had taken place. He wanted to never fight again… get rid of the programming, the weapons, get rid of it all.
"I know."
No, Zero didn't. But he was X's best friend, and X didn't say anything more.
X wasn't sure what he was asking, so he gave Zero his vapid-eyed look. The red-armored Reploid smirked—X never felt the compulsion to smirk, he wondered what that was like—and plopped next to him on the ground, looking at the permanently dark city sky-dome.
"Since Sigma went Maverick and the Wars started." Zero clarified.
"Oh." X looked into his memory files. "About sixty years."
"Sixty years…" Zero muttered. "You've been fighting for sixty years…"
"Not very well, since it's been that long."
Zero gave him a look he didn't quite understand. "Don't be so hard on yourself," Zero scolded. "You're doing your damnedest, and you've saved this world so many times it's pathetic. You're a hero."
X glared. "I am not."
The red-armored Reploid clocked him upside the head, nearly knocking X off the ledge he was sitting on. "Yes, you are. You strive for the world and never once lost that wish for peace. Sure, you malfunctioned for a bit there during the Red Alert Crisis… but you still wanted peace. You kept yourself and use yourself to defend."
Yes, that was true. X defended what he didn't really comprehend. Sixty plus years and he still didn't get what it meant to be human. And yet he fought for it…
"I'm tired of fighting," X muttered. He look up to the moon, where the last battle—he hoped was the last battle—had taken place. He wanted to never fight again… get rid of the programming, the weapons, get rid of it all.
"I know."
No, Zero didn't. But he was X's best friend, and X didn't say anything more.
/The dying moon compels the arrogant seas;
The deathless 'me of me' caught up in the tease./
X punched the glass, but it was made to withstand force greater than what he could do without charging. Zero's eyes, so foreign in that form, seemed to be… glistening? Ah… that's right, these new bodies were more human, Reploid could…
Yes. Reploids could cry now. X felt the hot water stream from his eyes and down his cheeks, and he saw the same type of water crawling up Zero's eyes. But he didn't have the right to cry, the arrogant bastard!
"Why!" X cried, hitting the glass again as the alarm went off. He felt hysterical… he was hysterical. Was this proper?
"It's okay…" Zero's voice came through, cracked and sluggish. "X…"
"It's not okay you prick! " X screamed, unable to control his mouth. Couldn't control himself. He had outbursts before, but this was different. "Tell me why! "
But Zero was gone now. His body crumpled in the tube, offline, his programming cut off and shoved deep within himself. He was gone, and X was left here with tears cascading down his face and the near-uncontrollable urge to screech.
But X clamped his mouth shut and punched the glass one more time before whirling around and running from the room. Over a hundred years of conflict, and this was his just reward… a broken promise, dead friends and a loneliness he swore he'd never have to suffer again. This was humanity, these overwhelming feelings, these tears.
X wished he could give it back. All the years, all the emotions… he wished he could just give them back and go back to being the robot everyone so misunderstood.
Yes. Reploids could cry now. X felt the hot water stream from his eyes and down his cheeks, and he saw the same type of water crawling up Zero's eyes. But he didn't have the right to cry, the arrogant bastard!
"Why!" X cried, hitting the glass again as the alarm went off. He felt hysterical… he was hysterical. Was this proper?
"It's okay…" Zero's voice came through, cracked and sluggish. "X…"
"It's not okay you prick! " X screamed, unable to control his mouth. Couldn't control himself. He had outbursts before, but this was different. "Tell me why! "
But Zero was gone now. His body crumpled in the tube, offline, his programming cut off and shoved deep within himself. He was gone, and X was left here with tears cascading down his face and the near-uncontrollable urge to screech.
But X clamped his mouth shut and punched the glass one more time before whirling around and running from the room. Over a hundred years of conflict, and this was his just reward… a broken promise, dead friends and a loneliness he swore he'd never have to suffer again. This was humanity, these overwhelming feelings, these tears.
X wished he could give it back. All the years, all the emotions… he wished he could just give them back and go back to being the robot everyone so misunderstood.
/You still inspire me though you hurt and deceive;
And if you hear me now, awake in your sleep.../
And if you hear me now, awake in your sleep.../
This was what Zero went to sleep for?
X struggled to keep a passive face as he sentenced the human convict with the punishment of death. He nodded to a Judge, whose human form melted into a bright light. X turned before he could see the scythe take off the human rapist's head, and X wondered if the little girl who was his victim would be happy to know her killer was joining her in death.
Every year, despite the lack of a war, X had to deal with such questions on a monthly basis. Reploids went Maverick of their own free will, wishing harm on those they once sworn to protect. Sometimes X had to put them down himself, that combat programming and weaponry he never was allowed to get rid of. Humans committing crimes because they could, and X had to judge them like some sort of higher being he didn't feel he was.
This was what Zero went to sleep for eternity for. This is what X fought—still fighting—for in all those years of conflict.
And yet despite the disgusting under layers, X could walk outside and genuinely smile when children, Reploid and human, would be seen running around having fun. When a human would trip and a Reploid helped them up; when a Reploid's leg circuit suddenly ceased and a human helped them into their car to be taken to the nearest repair facility. Yeah, this side of the coin was worth it.
But despite the goodness, the wonderful peace so inspiring and wonderful, X still was growing cold to the world. Those moments of warmth faded with the sun, and like the world itself, X had his own cycles of day and night. Day he was happy and at peace—night he was cold and uncaring, and like the world, one cycle was proving to lengthen beyond the other.
"I'm starting to not care," X was saying to the prone corpse of his best friend when Harpuia came to check in on him. "I wonder if you stayed it'd be any different? I don't think so. You died for nothing, Zero. I'm sorry. I made it so your sacrifice was in vain. As peaceful as it is with no wars… I can't stand this ruling thing. This judging thing. I'm so tired. Why'd you leave me? We could handle it together…"
Harpuia turned back to leave. These moments he was as worthless as the body X talked to.
X struggled to keep a passive face as he sentenced the human convict with the punishment of death. He nodded to a Judge, whose human form melted into a bright light. X turned before he could see the scythe take off the human rapist's head, and X wondered if the little girl who was his victim would be happy to know her killer was joining her in death.
Every year, despite the lack of a war, X had to deal with such questions on a monthly basis. Reploids went Maverick of their own free will, wishing harm on those they once sworn to protect. Sometimes X had to put them down himself, that combat programming and weaponry he never was allowed to get rid of. Humans committing crimes because they could, and X had to judge them like some sort of higher being he didn't feel he was.
This was what Zero went to sleep for eternity for. This is what X fought—still fighting—for in all those years of conflict.
And yet despite the disgusting under layers, X could walk outside and genuinely smile when children, Reploid and human, would be seen running around having fun. When a human would trip and a Reploid helped them up; when a Reploid's leg circuit suddenly ceased and a human helped them into their car to be taken to the nearest repair facility. Yeah, this side of the coin was worth it.
But despite the goodness, the wonderful peace so inspiring and wonderful, X still was growing cold to the world. Those moments of warmth faded with the sun, and like the world itself, X had his own cycles of day and night. Day he was happy and at peace—night he was cold and uncaring, and like the world, one cycle was proving to lengthen beyond the other.
"I'm starting to not care," X was saying to the prone corpse of his best friend when Harpuia came to check in on him. "I wonder if you stayed it'd be any different? I don't think so. You died for nothing, Zero. I'm sorry. I made it so your sacrifice was in vain. As peaceful as it is with no wars… I can't stand this ruling thing. This judging thing. I'm so tired. Why'd you leave me? We could handle it together…"
Harpuia turned back to leave. These moments he was as worthless as the body X talked to.
/I go to sleep, take off my face...
Eyes open to the darkness...
Identify.../
Eyes open to the darkness...
Identify.../
X felt a sort of peace when he separated from his body, leaving it on the physical world as his 'soul' transcended to something more. He didn't know he had a soul at all, and yet, here it was… floating above and quickly way from the prison he had gleefully made for himself.
He felt a sort of freedom, being 'dead' like this. It was for a good cause, X knew that much, and that made the experience so much sweeter. His copy and the Guardians would take care of Neo Arcadia, deal with the judging and the questionings and doubts. His body would keep the Dark Elf at bay and war was averted thanks to his sacrifice. If Zero hadn't sealed himself within his body, X wondered if he felt the same.
Or maybe he still did, even inside that prison. Was it a cage if he dreamed pleasantly? X wondered maybe he should have done that…
But the freedom! To roam and experience the world in ways he couldn't before… to be free of the programming, the weapons, the responsibility he had shouldered for nearly two centuries… It was like when he took off his face, when he could back then, and his armor; sloughing off the excess, feeling light and vulnerable but so much better.
X felt like he wouldn't miss that physical humanity at all. Why should he? He had so much more than things like hair or permanent skin now. So much better. He never realized how free death was.
Suddenly, X didn't feel so guilty about all the lives he took.
And just as suddenly, X wondered since when did death seem so beautiful.
He felt a sort of freedom, being 'dead' like this. It was for a good cause, X knew that much, and that made the experience so much sweeter. His copy and the Guardians would take care of Neo Arcadia, deal with the judging and the questionings and doubts. His body would keep the Dark Elf at bay and war was averted thanks to his sacrifice. If Zero hadn't sealed himself within his body, X wondered if he felt the same.
Or maybe he still did, even inside that prison. Was it a cage if he dreamed pleasantly? X wondered maybe he should have done that…
But the freedom! To roam and experience the world in ways he couldn't before… to be free of the programming, the weapons, the responsibility he had shouldered for nearly two centuries… It was like when he took off his face, when he could back then, and his armor; sloughing off the excess, feeling light and vulnerable but so much better.
X felt like he wouldn't miss that physical humanity at all. Why should he? He had so much more than things like hair or permanent skin now. So much better. He never realized how free death was.
Suddenly, X didn't feel so guilty about all the lives he took.
And just as suddenly, X wondered since when did death seem so beautiful.
/The dying moon compels the arrogant seas;
A fleeting instant I was led to believe./
A fleeting instant I was led to believe./
It was all false. False security, false happiness, false hopes. Neo Arcadia burned from the inside out and X watched in horror, helpless and useless.
All of my dreams! My works and reasons!
Destroyed slowly, one by one, by a freak wearing his face. The same face he used to pull off every night. The same face he looked at in the mirror when he was upgraded.
The fleeting moments of freedom crashed and roared in their death throes. X could only watch, unable to even shed tears, as all he worked for was trashed and desecrated, tortured and pulled apart by the very beings he placed his hopes in. He was betrayed.
Is there nothing sacred anymore? X screamed, but nothing could hear him in this section of the Cyberspace. Friendships, loves, hopes, dreams, all so easily tossed aside!
Nothing was worth fighting for it seemed. Not even hope. X sunk to the ground in despair—the Guardians did as the copy commanded. Ciel's attempt at a Resistance would fail under their immense power. There was no hope left. No future.
If only…
X slowly looked to the sky of Cyberspace. Always so bright, so cheerful, like an eternal midday. He didn't have his cycles here like the world did. This empty space apparently knew something he didn't.
No hope.
Or perhaps there was. For an instant X felt like he did in life—ready to fight for what was right. But he couldn't fight anymore, and those with the power who could, were either the enemy or gone.
Gone… sleeping.
X vanished. He had one last thing he could do.
All of my dreams! My works and reasons!
Destroyed slowly, one by one, by a freak wearing his face. The same face he used to pull off every night. The same face he looked at in the mirror when he was upgraded.
The fleeting moments of freedom crashed and roared in their death throes. X could only watch, unable to even shed tears, as all he worked for was trashed and desecrated, tortured and pulled apart by the very beings he placed his hopes in. He was betrayed.
Is there nothing sacred anymore? X screamed, but nothing could hear him in this section of the Cyberspace. Friendships, loves, hopes, dreams, all so easily tossed aside!
Nothing was worth fighting for it seemed. Not even hope. X sunk to the ground in despair—the Guardians did as the copy commanded. Ciel's attempt at a Resistance would fail under their immense power. There was no hope left. No future.
If only…
X slowly looked to the sky of Cyberspace. Always so bright, so cheerful, like an eternal midday. He didn't have his cycles here like the world did. This empty space apparently knew something he didn't.
No hope.
Or perhaps there was. For an instant X felt like he did in life—ready to fight for what was right. But he couldn't fight anymore, and those with the power who could, were either the enemy or gone.
Gone… sleeping.
X vanished. He had one last thing he could do.
/I watch you give, so shall you receive;
And if you hear me now, awaken!/
And if you hear me now, awaken!/
"Use this. " X forced the computer to open its security compartment and eject its contents. "You have to save her. "
"Who are you?!" Zero cried, staring at the weapon with a wariness so fitting.
The aged computer couldn't handle X's presence for long. "No time…"
It shut down and X forced himself out of it. By the time he returned to the real world, to that underground laboratory, the pair was gone. All that was left was the ruins of the golem.
X took off toward Resistance Base, hiding himself when he entered. It took extra energy, but his body was relatively close and still pulsing, so he took the chance. He found Zero--alive, awake! —speaking with Ciel. He could see her face, shining with renewed hope.
Zero gave her hope. Even gave X hope.
After all this time, after all that happened, somehow hope was still possible. X watched Zero rush off to save someone, and knew this was the right decision. Zero may never remember him, may think the tyrant in Neo Arcadia was him… but this was right. Zero had to be awakened, to give hope.
X resolved to stay a while longer though. Who knows if Zero might need a little hope himself, one day?
"Thank you, Zero. "
"Who are you?!" Zero cried, staring at the weapon with a wariness so fitting.
The aged computer couldn't handle X's presence for long. "No time…"
It shut down and X forced himself out of it. By the time he returned to the real world, to that underground laboratory, the pair was gone. All that was left was the ruins of the golem.
X took off toward Resistance Base, hiding himself when he entered. It took extra energy, but his body was relatively close and still pulsing, so he took the chance. He found Zero--alive, awake! —speaking with Ciel. He could see her face, shining with renewed hope.
Zero gave her hope. Even gave X hope.
After all this time, after all that happened, somehow hope was still possible. X watched Zero rush off to save someone, and knew this was the right decision. Zero may never remember him, may think the tyrant in Neo Arcadia was him… but this was right. Zero had to be awakened, to give hope.
X resolved to stay a while longer though. Who knows if Zero might need a little hope himself, one day?
"Thank you, Zero. "
/Hallelujah, hallelujah.../