UGH.

I dunno what it is, but writing my Rockman stuff is getting harder and harder to do. I mean, I still got lots of passion for the series, don't get me wrong. If anyone's been noticing I do admit I've been working on a DISSIDA: FINAL FANTASY fic on the side, but it's been following a game very closely til recently, and now it's like...


Okay, so let's start this whinefest in the beginning. It's late, I feel emo, so I'ma... emo. Harhar.

So when I'm following a game a lot closer, nearly pretty much novelizing it, I seem to be doing pretty good and can pump out chapters quick. I mean, for my DISSIDIA fic, the first 9 chapters I got within days of each other because I followed FF8's timeline. Now that I'm severely deviating from it, I find myself severely slowing on it, just like I am with Song of Memory: REDUX.

I guess I'm getting frustrated with how hard it seems for me to write out an 'original' plotline (despite it being fanworks) even if I got all these notes and such to do it. Like right now I was working on SoM:R's 34th chapter, and I got maybe a page and a half done, following my notes, before I realized that it's kinda shitty. And I wonder why the hell that is. So I figured I'll take a break and go work on my DISSIDA fic. I get half a page until I just close Word out of frustration. I feel like my quality of writing hits the shithole for no goddamn reason because I'm not following a game's plot scene-for-scene. I mean, shouldn't I, as a writer, be able to get these original deviations from the plot going?

I got my notes for both stories laid out for several chapters yet for some reason I just can't seem to translate into writing very well. SoM:R's chapter 34 is boring; Magnet (the DISSIDIA fic) is too reliant on dialogue I feel to get shit done. It's like... "ARRGGHHH WHHYYY".

I don't even know what I'm really bitching about. I guess I'm just scared I'm losing my writing edge and I haven't even 'done' anything to do so. I mean, I always figured so long as I write and strive to do better, I'll be fine. But why am I having so many issues? With fucking fanfiction to boot?

I really wanna finish SoM:R. I really like my idea I have for it. I like my planned ending, I like my characterization of the characters. The drive is there so why the fuck can I not do it? I can't blame RL because I'm not like, overburdened with work right now (altho come June I start clinicals again, /sarcasticyay) and it's just... argh.

I really need to invest in one of those wireless USB things and move my computer to my room. I know I lose a lot of writing chances because I can't write if people are in the room and have plain view of my screen. I dunno why, I just can't, and everyone suddenly has a new fucking interest in TV.

God I don't even know what  I'm really bitching about. I JUST NEED TO VENT OKAY?! ; ;

FML. For serious.

Someone give me a damn inspiration fairy or thirty. Please?