Aware Of It
There's a reason fairytale endings don't happen.
Things like to interfere. Life, people, thoughts, happenings. Opinions and facts have blurred their respective lines and nothing is defined, one must take the total or take nothing at all. Preferences are gone, and the good must be taken with the bad.
X knew that, and was quite aware of it. Sure, he had his ups and downs, who didn't? He had his opinions that didn't match with Zero's, but that was part of the attraction. Their similarities melded perfectly and their differences clashed so powerfully it kept them interested in each other, the rivalry only a sharper aspect of a deeper feeling. It wasn't perfect, X knew that, and was quite aware of it.
They had their moments, X knew that, and was quite aware of it. The entire Red Alert incident happened during such a moment, and although he didn't put it in the papers, and he didn't say it to anyone else, it was part of the reason he withdrew from the front lines. Being so close to Zero pissed him off at the time, but that was part of the whole relationship thing—a couple had fights. But, if the couple was strong enough in their feelings, they made up, and Zero and X made up after the Red Alert thing. They still had their little fights afterwards; it wasn't perfect, X knew that, and was quite aware of it.
Sometimes they would have to stay away from each other just to keep sane, X knew that, and was quite aware of it. It was rather obvious Zero and X had effects on each other no one else did, both good and bad. Sometimes they would be so enamored with each other they would disappear for hours, or even days, on end and come back with the largest smiles on their faces. No one knew what exactly happened in those moments, and no one knew how to get the information, for Zero and X had no desire to tell. But, on the other side of the coin, sometimes they nearly hated each other for of their different outlooks on things. They would scream and holler across of the base and it would show in their fighting—Zero was more violent and reckless, and X was almost borderline-Maverick destructive in his firing. But that was what happened when two people felt so deeply. It wasn't perfect, X knew that, and was quite aware of it.
They had secrets they never dare to tell each other, X knew that, and was quite aware of it. Zero had this deep, dark, angst secret he hated about himself and would mope over it for weeks at a time. X secretly, for a time, had a crush on Alia when he and Zero had one of their little tiffs and had nearly acted on it. Zero would never tell anyone, let alone X, but he secretly sometimes wished X would shut up and leave him the hell alone. X never dared to tell a soul, but sometimes, he secretly wanted Zero to stick his saber up his ass and quit being such a blowhard when it came to work. Deep down, they wished they could have changed a certain aspect of the other that made that person them, but sometimes, they just couldn't stand it. It wasn't perfect, X knew that, and was quite aware of it.
What X didn't know, what X wasn't quite aware of, was Zero's desire to simply not be.
So when Zero sealed himself away the second time--permanently, forever, gone—X wasn't expecting it. X wasn't prepared for Zero to willingly leave him, abandon him. There were secrets, yes. There were fights, yes. There were bad nights and good nights, yes. Bad sex, good sex, arguments, make ups, everything that made them a normal couple and was acceptable and imperfectly perfect. And Zero still left him.
Was it really any surprise X, in the end, went Maverick?
There's a reason fairytale endings don't happen.
Fairytale endings don't exist… and deep down, under the denial, in his heart of hearts, X knew that, and really, was quite aware of it.