Apple and Cinnamon
Started out so simple and innocent,
Chemistry like apple and cinnamon.
I can't believe that you and me
We're falling out of love…
And everybody used to be so envious of us…
What we had was just too good…
Good to last.
Happiness don't last that long…
~Apple and Cinnamon, Utada Hikaru
This was incredibly, stupendously, resplendently moronic… and I told both of them that.
"This is stupid, Brother!"
"Don't be a moron, Zero!"
But did they listen? No… no, neither of them did. They were driven by their personal pride and a stupid code of honor that led only to destruction and mayhem. How could I love them so much? Well, I was programmed to love my brother, but Zero? No, that was a mistake; I realize that as I sit here, holding the remains of my brother with tears in my eyes and vengeance in my core.
I never thought I'd want to raise a weapon against Zero. I thought in all my dim-witted naïveté that if I talked to them, pleaded with them, then at least they could reconcile. But no… men had to be men! Fighting each other in a war, starting a coup, all over protocol! Don't they realize there's more at stake than their pride, that others might suffer no matter how 'gently' they stepped around them?
Right now, I hate them all. I hate Colonel, I hate Zero, and I hate this world. Is this what we've come to? Pride now determines if one is Maverick or wrong? Is the tension between Reploids and humans so great that we fight amongst ourselves more or less for their entertainment?
Let us have our world for only Reploids. It doesn't have to be Earth; we don't need to destroy Earth if we're left alone…
Even if I hate him, I still want to live with Zero… since he's the only one left.
For now.
As I wait for him in this desolate room, the purple flaming remains of my family in my hands, I start to have my doubts. My hands shake, and I wonder if I'll have the courage to do what is expected of me. Blood is thicker than water, and recently, I'd be lucky to have water with Zero. Even before this fallout between the Hunters and Repliforce, it seemed as if something changed between us. He was growing distanced, more and more short on patience and easy to annoy. I always thought to myself it was his job… he was stressed… and he said he was having trouble resting properly due to nightmares…
But were we just falling out of love?
As Zero went his way I went mine, and I missed him less. Only now, with conflict on the horizon, did my feelings of love resurface. Love for Zero had combated with the love for my brother this entire time, and how I begged, how I pleaded and lost so much dignity trying to keep the two most important men in my life alive… And now, the one I wanted to live happily ever after with had been the one who destroyed my family with, it seemed to be, very little remorse.
I reminisced about our first meeting as I heard the alarms blare throughout Final Weapon. How Zero felt bad for my first job as a Navigator, how he expressed guilt at being unable to make it easier for me. The smile he had when I laughed and said it was okay, that it was life and life threw curve balls.
I recalled holding his hand quietly when he came to me and said he liked me, although he wasn't sure how to deal with it. He had squeezed my hand a little too roughly for my taste, but I reminded myself he was a warrior and, despite his inner gentleness, it had a hard time coming out. I thought to myself, then, that I could bring that gentleness out.
I remembered the feelings from when he gave me a flower he had found on the job and told me he thought of me. He seemed so embarrassed, so shy, and I still had that flower, dried and preserved on my dresser next to a picture I managed to get of him and I together. I wonder if he'll bother to remember about it after this, if he wins.
Then, somehow, all those simple and innocent days ended. What I thought was love, now I see was a confusion of feelings with both parties. If Zero loved me, he would have understood and not have fought and killed Brother. And, if I had loved Zero, I would not be trying to kill him because he killed Brother.
I was such a hypocrite, but with Zero now running into the room and regret so plain on his face, I couldn't exactly back down. He claims he was sorry.
I'm sorry too, Zero.
But sorry never stopped the pain, now did it?